


Take My Hand, I Can't Do This Alone

by that_litkid



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression, but i thought of this the other day and i had to do it, it pained me to write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29724162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_litkid/pseuds/that_litkid
Summary: “How could I ever sleep at night? I’m blue dreaming about the better times, anything to bring me close to you.”-Glass Beach (Classic J Dies and Goes to Hell Part 1)OrTommy decides the best way to work out his complicated feelings is to talk them out with the person who knows him best.(Title also from Classic J Dies and Goes to Hell Part 1 by Glass Beach)
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	Take My Hand, I Can't Do This Alone

**Author's Note:**

> CW // Visual and audible hallucinations, poor eating habits (due to implied depression), jumpiness
> 
> TW // Implied depression, implied episode of psychosis

Tommy was excited. He felt a sense of anticipation for the first time in what had probably been too long. It was fine though, he felt alright and Ghostbur was off to send people invitations to his party and that was enough to keep the pep in his step and the sparkle in his eyes.

“Are you excited?” Dream asked, stepping over a branch on the path. Tommy nodded hastily.

“Am I excited?! Dream, people will finally visit me! Before, it was so hard for them. They’re all very busy people, you know,” He said, waving his hands around to make his points more dramatic - it’s something the old Tommy would have done. “Now that they have a reason. A time and a place all in advance so they can clear their schedules and use the bridge I made! It’s going to be so fun!” Dream smiled, making his way to the Nether portal.

“Yeah, it sounds like it! I’ll be there for sure, we can hang out.” Tommy let himself enjoy the warmth of being wanted for a few seconds. “I gotta go check up on some stuff in the Greater SMP though, so I gotta go. I’ll be back tomorrow though, as always.” Dream disappeared into the portal as Tommy said his goodbye. The second his friend left, he felt a sickening weight return to his shoulders. It must have weighed a thousand pounds yet Tommy had to pretend it wasn’t there. Whenever he was alone, he broke the rest of his day down into simple tasks; today he had to eat, chop some wood, and then sleep. Easy, right?

Eating was a struggle. Not because he didn’t want to eat, in fact he was quite hungry after a full and exciting day with his friend, Dream. Rather, he hadn’t gone fishing in a couple of days and had no fish to cook. His list was growing, but that’s fine. He grabbed the worn fishing rod from his chest and sat out at the lake. It was peaceful, and the sun was just about ready to start setting but it wouldn’t for probably another hour or so. Tommy cast the line into the lake and waited.

Something moved in the corner of his eye.

Tommy looked over for any threats. God, why had he been so stupid? If Dream caught him with this fishing rod, he might make Tommy throw it in the hole and while spiders weren’t rare or anything around here, it would take a while to get some string when he didn’t have a proper sword with looting. He hadn’t even caught anything yet, he couldn’t give Dream this fishing rod just yet. Tommy started to really regret throwing out some string earlier in favour of keeping some torches.

When he looked over to see who or what was there though, he was left to look at a scene with nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe he had overreacted a little. It could have just been a cow or something. It was stupid of him to be scared. Yet, Tommy swore if he looked into the trees more, he could see some green in there. A green that wouldn’t normally be found in these forests. He started to get up to investigate when the line got a tug. Quickly, he turned his attention to the fishing rod, and he started reeling in his dinner. As if the gods themselves were on his side today, he reeled in two fish. Two wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to keep him going for the rest of the day. Tommy internally crossed an item off his list.

The furnace didn’t have much coal in it, but it would be enough for the next couple days at least so he didn’t worry about it too much. Tommy decided that he could probably get some sleep while the fish cooked. It wouldn’t take that long, but sometimes sleep was hard to get. He adjusted himself against the wall around Logsteadshire and let a sleepy fog overtake his brain. A welcomed escape from the everythings and nothings that came with living in exile.

The sound of shuffling woke him up. He shot up, and looked around him for whoever had been sneaking around. Something green quickly moved out of Logsteadshire and headed for the portal. Tommy got up shakily, still finding balance on his feet after his sleep, and tried to keep up with the figure, only stumbling once or twice.

“Hey,” Tommy said, letting a slight amount of desperation show in his voice. “Hey, please! Please don’t go,” he said to the figure, about to step into the portal. It turned back to face him and Tommy couldn’t help himself once he saw his face, the face he had spent weeks or months or maybe it was years thinking about and wishing for a visit from, he had spent so long hoping for the day something like this would happen and now that the day was finally here he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “Please, Tubbo!”

Tubbo froze in place, compass in hand. A silence sat uncomfortably between them for just a moment too long before Tubbo hesitantly stepped down from the portal. He looked downwards, avoiding Tommy’s stare.

“Tubbo, I, you, you, I didn’t, why are you here?” Tommy’s thoughts were jumbled, his words coming out unorganized and not necessarily loud, just confused. Tubbo smiled tentatively.

“I missed you, big man. I’m sorry, I’ll just,” Tubbo turned to head to the portal again.

“No!” Tommy was not going to lose him again. “No, please stay. Please. I miss you too.” He reached out for Tubbo’s hand but Tubbo pulled away before Tommy could touch him. “Are you okay?”

“Am _I_ okay?” Tubbo sputtered out with a little bit of laughter. “Tommy, I don’t mean to be rude but you look a proper mess at the moment. Are _you_ okay?” Tommy blinked. Was he okay? The weight on his shoulders pulled.

“No, not really. It was kind of a dick move of you to exile me, you know that? Now Dream’s been the only person to see me for like, however long it’s been. That gets really boring after a while. The man’s like, a broken record. ” Tommy laughed a little.

“I know,” he said jokingly. Then more seriously, “I’m sorry.” Tommy let the apology hang between them. It didn’t feel right. Tommy looked away, thinking of something to say.

“What happened to your suit?”

“Do you think I always wear it in my free time?” Tubbo laughed. Tommy shrugged. He did when he was first made president, what made now any different? “I don’t,” Tubbo added for clarification.

“Well,” he started, “you didn’t do your buttons up right. As always. Do you need me to redo them for you? You could come over every morning and I could do up your buttons like I used to before I was-”

“No, no,” Tubbo said, waving Tommy off. “I like it better this way. I could still come visit you every day but I’d like to keep my shirt like this.” Tommy didn’t know which part of that was the worst lie. He took a second to breathe. The air was getting crisper and the sun had just finished setting, darkness was easing in around them. He couldn’t help the pained chuckle that escaped his lips.

“You… you aren’t real, are you?” he asked. Tubbo gave him a small smile, but his eyes softened with guilt.

“We can pretend.”

Tommy knew he couldn’t and it would hurt him to keep this going far more than it would help him. He blinked some tears out of his eyes and started rubbing his face with his sleeve. How stupid was he, to have hoped something so stupidly good could be true? Tubbo put his hand to Tommy’s face and tried to dry the tears, but when no touch was felt and his face was still wet, he curled in on himself and a few sobs broke through.

“I miss you so much, Tubbo,” he managed between sobs.

“I know,” Tubbo whispered, wrapping his arms around Tommy. Tommy couldn’t feel it.

“You know I, I can’t have you visiting me. I might actually go crazy if I let you.”

“I know.”

After some silent minutes, Tommy looked up and nodded at Tubbo, ready to let him leave. Tubbo gripped his compass firmly with his left hand. He only gave a small wave and pitiful smile before disappearing into the portal. Tommy didn't like people pitying him, least of all Tubbo. Tommy sat until the sky was pitch black before hauling himself up and sluggishly going back to his (now cold) fish. After eating, he decided to leave the wood chopping until tomorrow and headed to bed. The compass in his ender chest was pointed towards his Tubbo. His real Tubbo. One day, they would see each other again. One day, but not today.

Tommy fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Nooooo Tommy don't hallucinate your best friend ahahah
> 
> Anyways drink some water, take your meds if you have meds you need to take, and have a lovely day/night! :]


End file.
